Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sometimes I don't feel the victory.... ;(

We were joking around in Sunday School this morning about there being school in Heaven, so that God would have a format to explain all the things we can't understand in this life such as a) Jesus was 100% God and 100% man (200%), b) The Trinity (nuff said), and a bunch of other stuff...

Then we go to church and have a special prayer for the Wilsons, because the smallest of their 3-week-old triplets died this morning... Noah.

....THEN, while I am still crying... we start singing "Victory in Jesus"... I just couldn't do it... I wasn't feeling the victory today - in fact, I am still on the verge of tears... don't preach to me, I KNOW about the victory in Jesus, but... why?... a baby... three weeks old... I don't get it... it really tears me apart...

...but THEN the offering music started. The new-piano-lady started playing " great is our God, sing with me how great is our God..." and I just remember relaxing right there at that moment, because in my grief I lost sight of how great my God is. I couldn't feel the "victory" today, but I never doubt how in total control my God is... and because I so completely believe in God's power and sovereignty in this world, a peace overcame me concerning Noah Wilson. My grief remains... but I will learn God's bigger plan for Noah one of these days when I enter 1st grade in Heaven... For now... my job is to trust Him....

Rest in the arms of your Creator, Noah....


  1. I've been much the same way all day. I was going to try to blog about it, but you've done a great job. It's like everything in my life has taken a backseat, and I find myself every few minutes praying for the Wilson's, for Joy and Robert and Ethan and Trey, and that someday we will see God's plan and His Glory in all that has transpired. For now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face. That Scripture keeps running through my mind.

    Bless you

  2. part of Emma's bedtime prayer tonight "& God help Noah to behave up there....." my smile came back :)